I am letting go of my borderline, all-consuming participation in the demanding world of Active (increasingly angry and ineffective) Activism. This "change" is not one that comes after an introspective period of inner soul-searching and turmoil. Nor do I find myself knocking at the door of this decision after a right brain/left brain philosophical argument between my ongoing activism and my reticent retreat from that activism. No, this just "happened" to me. Poof! I fell away from my unwrapped awareness of my proximity to the underlying anger that permeated many of the protests, sit-ins, and lie-ins in which I participated. And the change suddenly befell me. It was unexpected. There was an unanticipated shift in my focus. I know I no longer belong in the groups that demonstrate in front of The White House, travel to Athens, Cairo, New York, Chicago to be tear-gassed or arrested or pushed...
Oh, I honor and respect those who do---who do so out of a deep conviction that the activist's movement is necessary...those who believe that this is the best way to restore our cockeyed world to a rational, liveable place...It is necessary. But I do not continue to have the "it is necessary to me" impulse.
Yes, I am letting go of Active Activism. Or perhaps, it is letting go of me. I have reached the limit of my ability to embrace the angry-ness that seems to have permeated so much of the actions of the peace and justice movement. I am reorienting my passion for peace and justice in a more graceful and life-affirming manner. This is a radical change for me. I am bewildered by it. There is even an aspect of shame associated with this shift. Did I fail? Am I lazy? Insincere?
Dear Universe, may it not be the case that I have withdrawn from my involvement in the important work of standing up for justice and that I have fallen into a state of apathy about the crises that face this planet. I haven't, I hope. I haven't...or so I tell myself. I have merely (?) moved away from my semi-obsession with constant demonstrating, endless sign-holding, perpetual petition soliciting, personal ranting, finger-pointing and (figurative) hair-pulling in favor of feeling the beauty of differences...in favor of acknowledging the point of view of the other...
How and when did this happen?! When I was sleeping? Or daydreaming? Did it happen when I was reading, listening, reviewing, conversing about the world and some of the ongoing injustices that seep into everything we do?
While I was consumed by the egregious injustices that affect everything we have, injustices that alter everything we are, I noticed my cells telling me to stop, to change direction...to work against anger and injustice with peaceful acknowledgement, forgiveness, understanding and compassion. I can no longer find meaning in my small roll as a stand-up, fighting peace ant. It begins to feel like an oxymoronic calling...I'm on the brink of distancing myself from my decades-long earnest work to reverse the effects of war and corporate greed and political expediency from our world, our country, our close community...and something else. I don't want to wake up each morning to read the dozens of depressing and alarming (and futile?) e-mails sent from activist groups and friends and colleagues with whom I have rallied and railed against the insatiably greedy and violent machine. The path I have traveled--with regard to this kind of activism--is delivering me to an intersection that is presenting me with new passions, new choices...The organized, never-ending, occupied peace fighters platform is too angry for me...too desperately all-consumingly exhausting, violent, and judgmental.
I don't want to be angry. I know: these are angry times. Still, to wake up every day with anger and frustration towards those who, in their ignorance (for what can it be other than ignorance) would greedily continue to wreak havoc on our planet; towards those whose greed and ignorance cause families to face starvation, brutal deaths, loss of culture and homeland...is not working for me. Sadly, it is not working for the world nor is it resolving the situations I long to see resolved or reversed...
Is this new realization of mine the result of a sense of personal failure? A growing sense of despair? Je ne sais pas. While the critical need for change is everywhere apparent, change for the better is apparently not on the current agenda of those who have stolen and polluted our world, our very understanding of our world...
It has reached a truly critical point---now that I see and sense anger among the peace movement, the loss of kindness, the absence of time spent on considering beauty...now that I note the growing chasm between those who stand for peace in their hearts and those who march for overthrow of the enemy... Who is the enemy? The enemy is unconsciousness. Now is the time for me to embrace beauty everywhere, to acknowledge those in need, to dance with those who find peace in music, to sit with those who find peace in prayer and meditation, to listen to those whose voices hold optimism and joy...to those who make me smile!
Oh, I honor and respect those who do---who do so out of a deep conviction that the activist's movement is necessary...those who believe that this is the best way to restore our cockeyed world to a rational, liveable place...It is necessary. But I do not continue to have the "it is necessary to me" impulse.
Yes, I am letting go of Active Activism. Or perhaps, it is letting go of me. I have reached the limit of my ability to embrace the angry-ness that seems to have permeated so much of the actions of the peace and justice movement. I am reorienting my passion for peace and justice in a more graceful and life-affirming manner. This is a radical change for me. I am bewildered by it. There is even an aspect of shame associated with this shift. Did I fail? Am I lazy? Insincere?
Dear Universe, may it not be the case that I have withdrawn from my involvement in the important work of standing up for justice and that I have fallen into a state of apathy about the crises that face this planet. I haven't, I hope. I haven't...or so I tell myself. I have merely (?) moved away from my semi-obsession with constant demonstrating, endless sign-holding, perpetual petition soliciting, personal ranting, finger-pointing and (figurative) hair-pulling in favor of feeling the beauty of differences...in favor of acknowledging the point of view of the other...
How and when did this happen?! When I was sleeping? Or daydreaming? Did it happen when I was reading, listening, reviewing, conversing about the world and some of the ongoing injustices that seep into everything we do?
While I was consumed by the egregious injustices that affect everything we have, injustices that alter everything we are, I noticed my cells telling me to stop, to change direction...to work against anger and injustice with peaceful acknowledgement, forgiveness, understanding and compassion. I can no longer find meaning in my small roll as a stand-up, fighting peace ant. It begins to feel like an oxymoronic calling...I'm on the brink of distancing myself from my decades-long earnest work to reverse the effects of war and corporate greed and political expediency from our world, our country, our close community...and something else. I don't want to wake up each morning to read the dozens of depressing and alarming (and futile?) e-mails sent from activist groups and friends and colleagues with whom I have rallied and railed against the insatiably greedy and violent machine. The path I have traveled--with regard to this kind of activism--is delivering me to an intersection that is presenting me with new passions, new choices...The organized, never-ending, occupied peace fighters platform is too angry for me...too desperately all-consumingly exhausting, violent, and judgmental.
I don't want to be angry. I know: these are angry times. Still, to wake up every day with anger and frustration towards those who, in their ignorance (for what can it be other than ignorance) would greedily continue to wreak havoc on our planet; towards those whose greed and ignorance cause families to face starvation, brutal deaths, loss of culture and homeland...is not working for me. Sadly, it is not working for the world nor is it resolving the situations I long to see resolved or reversed...
Is this new realization of mine the result of a sense of personal failure? A growing sense of despair? Je ne sais pas. While the critical need for change is everywhere apparent, change for the better is apparently not on the current agenda of those who have stolen and polluted our world, our very understanding of our world...
It has reached a truly critical point---now that I see and sense anger among the peace movement, the loss of kindness, the absence of time spent on considering beauty...now that I note the growing chasm between those who stand for peace in their hearts and those who march for overthrow of the enemy... Who is the enemy? The enemy is unconsciousness. Now is the time for me to embrace beauty everywhere, to acknowledge those in need, to dance with those who find peace in music, to sit with those who find peace in prayer and meditation, to listen to those whose voices hold optimism and joy...to those who make me smile!
Powerful. Thank you.
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